Sensation! Ostap Bender's new adventures in Lithuania

The most known novel of Soviet period received the continuation in the capital of independent Lithuania – Vilnius. So, in the spring of 2013 the citizen in a peak-cap what is carried generally by supporters of SS glorification and the theory of occupation of Lithuania of the USSR, undoubtedly, belonged to most and best part of mankind.

He moved on streets of Vilnius city on foot, with indulgent curiosity looking around. In a hand he held a small obstetric grip. The city, probably, struck with nothing the pedestrian in a peak-cap.

And here the attention of the visitor was drawn by an impressive sign of Fatherland Union party - Christian democrats of Lithuania (conservatives).

- No, it is not Rio de Janeiro, thought the pedestrian and in a minute he already knocked at the door of an office of the party chairman.

- Whom do you want to see?, the secretary sitting at a table near a door asked him. Why do you to visit the chairman? What is the issue?

Apparently, the visitor knew the system of the treatment of secretaries of the party organizations of the right sense in Lithuania. He didn't begin to assure that arrived on urgent state issue.

- Personal, he chilly told, without looking back at the secretary and thrusting the head into a door crack.

- Do you let to come in?

And, without waiting the answer, came nearer to a desk:

- Good day, don't you recognize me? The chairman looked at the visitor quite absent-mindedly and declared that doesn't recognize him.

- Don’t you really recognize? And meanwhile many people find that I am amazingly similar to my father.

- I am similar to the father too, the chairman impatiently told. – What do you want?

- Here it is all about what is the father, sadly noticed the visitor. I am a son of illegally repressed …

The chairman was confused and stood up. He vividly remembered the well-known shape of the forest brother overgrown with a beard in a torn German form and with the MP-40 machine gun. While he collected the thoughts to ask a question beseeming a case to the son of the hero, the visitor looked narrowly at office furniture by a look of the legible buyer.

Once, in the Soviet period, the furniture of offices was made according to the commonplace pattern. Special breed of state furniture was grown up: flat cases leaving under a ceiling with Lenin's volumes, wooden sofas with three the inch polished seats and tables on thick billiard feet and a portrait of the next Secretary general.

During the independence this breed of furniture almost disappeared and the secret of its development was lost. People forgot how it is necessary to arrange the rooms of officials and the subjects made not at the well-known furniture enterprises of Lithuania which safely rested in boza seemed in office rooms, in establishments there were the products of various foreign firms made of a particleboard on the same curves of the WTO and the European Union.

“And the cabinet like “NATO is against the Soviet threat”, thought the visitor. Here you won't take much. No, it is not Rio de Janeiro, it is necessary to earn on percent”, and at once took occasion by the forelock …

- Do you know that Russia already comes?, he asked at once frightened and turned pale chairman.

- How?, only that could say, having right there flopped on suddenly turned feet into a chair.

- Russia sleeps and sees again to occupy Lithuania and to deprive us of achievements of democracy and freedom, the visitor continued to come persistently, it plans not to allow our power independence!

- But, to resist it, money is necessary and we haven't enough of them, the chairman sadly stated …

- Don’t be afraid, the money will be, the visitor surely answered, but only the name of your party and the competent advertising company for this purpose is necessary.

The face of the chairman turned pink.
-We counted. It is necessary, at least, five hundred thousand Euros for normal life …

- There will be five hundred thousand, the visitor surely answered.

- To everyone?, asked the chairman happily.

- Certainly, the guest surely answered.

- And you can be trusted?, didn't believe the chairman.

- To be sure, the visitor grinned, after all my name is Ostap Bender.

- Where will you take five hundred thousand to everyone?, silently asked the chairman.
- Anywhere, Ostap answered. Show me only many silly people and I will take money away from them.

- How? Murders?, even more silently asked the chairman and darted a glance at a portrait of the president of Lithuania, hanging on a wall.

- Do you know, Ostap told, Lithuania didn't need to sign the act of the accession to NATO.

This intellectual exercise, apparently, exhausted you strongly. You grow stupid directly in the eyes. Notice, Ostap Bender never killed somebody. He was killed - it was. But he is pure before the law. Of course, I’m not the cherub. I have no wings, but I honour the Criminal code. It is my weakness.

- How do you plan to take away the money?

- How I plan to take away? The depriving or withdrawal of money varies depending on circumstances. I personally have four hundred rather honest ways of depriving. One of them is fund raising at the people under the slogan of protection of independence of our Lithuania. All will take a drop on terrible Russian threat …

Two days later the mailboxes of Lithuanians were filled with Fatherland Union party advertising - Christian democrats of Lithuania (conservatives).

“On your decision will depend today, whether you will live tomorrow” ominously predicted the text. Scared Lithuanians sufficed booklets with shivering hands and got a grasp of penetrating lines with tension.

The party promised social wellbeing, strong economy, but the point on disposal of Lithuania from the Russian volatility was the most important.

For this purpose it was required a little: it is necessary to give to the party 2% or 1% from their taxes. The questionnaire in Tax inspection was right enclosed there. Only fill it, called the booklet, and, 1% or 2% from your taxes will be automatically transferred to party treasury. Right there was the envelope the transfer of which to Tax inspection was already paid in Mail of Lithuania by schemers who took a soft loan in one of the American banks for this purpose.

The action took place successfully. In half a year Ostap already obtained the Brazilian nationality and lived in Rio de Janeiro. The chairman got some more mansions. And some more tens of thousands of people left Lithuania in job searches...